Things can continue even when I am not well

My mind is always turning, jumping between what people would consider normal vanilla things such as what do I need to do on my assignments? or what do I need to get at the shops? to what people would consider kinky/fetish/BDSM/Lifestyle thoughts such as 'that feather duster could cause interesting sensations or I wonder if he will tie me up tonight or how can I serve him better' Lifestyle thoughts are just as much a part of my normal thought processes as normal vanilla type thoughts and I find myself having to censor comments around the normal vanilla people daily. I am happier around people accepting of the lifestyle when I can just be myself and say what ever comes in to my head. Is there something wrong with me that I think this way? The other day somebody asked me if D/s stuff is all that I ever think about as I kept asking him lifestyle related questions, not everything I have asked him is lifestyle there has been a lot of vanilla questions as well but as he is a potential Dom/Master I have been trying to find out as much as I can about his views on the D/s lifestyle. I think the way I can switch from one side to the other so seamlessly take some people a bit of time to get use too.

Yesterday I was sick, very sick, vomiting and a head that felt like it was going to explode anytime I moved or was anywhere near light. On first coming down sick and vomiting in the middle of the street the first thought I had was I want to talk to Teacher. The fact that he was the person I wanted to talk too, the voice that I wanted to hear to reassure me and tell me that it was going to be alright scares me as it means that I have put a great deal of trust in to him and also means that I see him in that position of Dom/Master in my life when thats not how things really are. Yes he is trainer and for all intents and purposes I am currently his girl but its still scary to realise thats how my mind is thinking. The second thought was Oh no I better hide the fact that I am sick as if he knows he will stop everything and things will go vanilla. In the end I was too sick to hide it and let Teacher know. To my great surprise he didn't stop everything, he lessened up on restictions a little bit letting me freely communicate with him and go the bathroom/eat and drink as I needed to but he was still Teacher, he was still in control and while I was too sick to be off any use to him I didn't feel that everything was vanilaa I still felt his control and still knew how things were. It was strange for me to still be able to feel that even when curled up in bed sick but it was also liberating to know that things can continue even when I am feeling bad.

Some restrictions are still continuing and while they can frustrate the hell out of me I do like how they make me feel controlled and let me know and feel my place at all times. Having to get permission for things make some of the everyday things not so boring and getting his permission when I am doing those things such as eating after he has given me permission too makes me feel almost held by him and safe and secure. Yes speech restrictions can really really annoy me but it also forces me to stop and think and choose my words carefully because next time he may not give me permission to speak. I think the fact that I know I can answer him when he talks to me and that he does still have conversations with me makes it easier to accept, in the past speech restrictions has meant no communication, not being able to communicate a thought or idea because it was just too much work and effort to get permission for everything.