Needs (M/s)

Perhaps I am being to girly or too much of a hopeless romantic but I am kind of a little upset that nothing about mine and Masters relationship has been normal. We didn't have a first date just realised one night while laying in bed that we were in a relationship and not just housemates.

He gave me his collar on Sunday which was fantastic but now in hindsight some things are bothering me. To me some things should be special/have special moments made out of them and offering/accepting a collar is one of those things. There should be some sort of ritual about it, some formaility about it. Questions should be asked such as Do you want to be my slave? What do you have to offer/bring as my slave? Do you accept this collar? but no questions were asked rather Master just placed it around my neck and then told me that I was his girl now, his property. What if I hadn't wanted it? What if I wasn't ready for it? I know that I wanted it more then anything else and I know that he knew that but I also wanted it to be a special moment to remember, something romantic. In my mind I had imagined a big scene where Master questioned me and then tested me so that I really felt I had earnt it. In my mind he flogged me hard, to the point where I was reaching my limit on flogging then tied me up, screwed me, played with me, pushed my limits until I thought I couldn't take anymore and at that point offered me his collar because I had earnt it. I have done nothing in the last month or so to earn it, I barely serve him, he hasn't had a chance to really teach me how he wants to be served or any of that and now I am collared to him and feeling like a fake because I didn't earn it. I don't want to upset Master so I haven't told him all this. Perhaps I was being to girly and had built it up too much in my mind much like a girl building up being proposed to in their minds.

I don't feel like we are really living a 24/7 lifestyle at the moment. Master had just started a new job and we have just moved in to a share house with some friends. We can still live our lifestyle here but it feels like we are not, feels like we are just doing little tiny bits of it, playing some game. There was a thread on the forums a while ago about rituals and rules and if the slave asked for them then she was topping from the bottom and the fact that lists of rules and rituals are things that the slave tends to care about a lot more then the Master made it that by asking for them she was topping from the bottom. I don't agree with this. I ask for rules because they let me know what is expected of me and I like ritual because it assits me in making the transition from normal vanilla daily life to slave space.

Right now I think that Master and I need to go over the rules again, I need to do my best to obey them and he needs to enforce them when I stuff up. I would also like if we could come up with some rituals to asisst us in making that switch in our thinking. I beleive that if we make more effort like this that we will both feel more satisfied as Master/slave and that I won't feel like a fake anymore when I tell people that I am slave 24/7. I left my last relationship because my needs were not being met and I really don't want this to get to that point again. I love Master and don't want to have to ask for release but I also need to be a slave not just someone who plays/scenes every so often. I need to be made to do things even when I don't want too or won't enjoy them, I need Master to be firm with me, to teach me what he wants in a slave and to accept that there will be times when things are hard for me but this does not mean stop.

Perhaps he is having problems with the Dom side of things and i am just not seeing it, I know work can get in the way and make life very vanilla but in the begining when he was working for telstra and was my trainer life was far from vanilla. Somehow we always found the energy and time to play (scenes two or three times a week sometimes more) and in daily life I knew my place. I really miss that life. Perhaps that can only ever happen right at the begining of a relationship. It seems as time goes on and feelings develop into love the relationship grows more vanilla.