Topping from the bottom (M/s)

Topping from the Bottom. Well this is a pet peeve of mine... a Pet peeve NOT becuase I particularly agree with the term or even the concept of it.... but because so many throw the term around as a label upon peoples behaviors that results in some sort of judgement that decrees the relationship and/or individuals is less or somehow deficienct for the behaviors they demonstrate. When a sub is Topping from the bottom within a D/s relationship I tend to think the problem lies with the Dom/me. D/s is about control and if you can't control your sub, you'll get the respect you deserve as a consequence. It's the sub's way of reminding each of their role

How many times have I heard these words used within the lifestlye. I see them on email lists, come acorss them on forums and hear them spoken about at munchs and other lifestyle events. Topping from the bottom seems to be one of the biggest insults a D type can give to an S type and persoanly I know quite a few S types that are now too afraid to ask their Master's for anything in case they are seen to be topping from the bottom.

The other day my ex told me that when we were together I use to top from the bottom quite often and that it use to really annoy him and made him not want to do anything with me. This hurt because I had tried so hard not to top from the bottom because in all honesty topping from the bottom is being the one in control I don't want to be the one in control. I know there were times with Tiny that I did top from the bottom, that I was passive aggressive and manipulated him to do the things to me that I wanted him to do. I wasn't getting my needs met in that relationship and so I did what ever I had to do to try and get them met including the dreaded topping from the bottom.

Since I have been with Master Aj I have found that i am so terrified of topping from the bottom that often I will ignore my needs and desires, will not mention them or ask for them or express them in any way because I don't want him to feel pressured and I don't want to feel as though he is doing something only because I asked for it. I am begining to learn now that I can ask for what I want or need and that its not topping from the bottom. It is expressing a desire and then leaving the choice of what to do about it up to my Master. Sometimes he will choose to fufil my request other times he will decide not too and I have to accept that. Asking for something is never topping from the bottom though manipulating and being passive agressive like I was with Tiny is.

I came across something today that made me stop and think about this whole topping from the bottom thing.

'Any good dominant simply will not be topped from the bottom. A dominant who uses this expression with his submissive or slave is not secure in his dominance, and he also insults her by implicitly denying who she is at her core. When a sub is Topping from the bottom within a D/s relationship I tend to think the problem lies with the Dom/me. D/s is about control and if you can't control your sub, you'll get the respect you deserve as a consequence. It's the sub's way of reminding each of their role' - Random collar me person

Yes I agree that sums it up completly for me. I topped from the bottom because other wise my needs were not met. I topped from the bottom because I needed to feel controlled and he was not controlling me.