I'm feeling a little lonely at the moment even though I am sitting in the loungeroom where my bestfriend is playing the xbox 360 I still feel alone. I know that it comes mainly from the fact that so much of my time is being taken up by exam study at the moment that I don't really have time for anything (or anyone) else. Even when I am not actively studying my mind is consumed with thoughts of the exams, with the topics I have reviewed that day or with thoughts of the areas that I feel I need to know a lot more. I have had a few panic attacks because of this as I will suddenly think of something and realise that I don't know enough, that i'm not good enough and then I become convinced that I will fail. Of course this exam stress is also affecting other areas of my life. I jump between being moody and snappy to being weepy and just wanting to curl up in a little ball and cry. The tiny things are setting me off at the moment from not finishing the dvds we hired out last weekend too feeling like I had failed at making a toastie for Master because it was a little soggy. I am sure Master and our housemates are tired of my moods and my stress and all I can say is that it will be over soon and thats something that I have to hold on too. I know that I can get through these exams and I know that I can and will pass them and the units after all I got 75% on both the midsemesters which means all I need to do for two of my exams is get 40% and I have past the units, if i get more then that great but if not then passing is all that really matters.
Another one of the things stressing me out is once again not feeling like a slave. I know that we go through this often and I know that I am a slave, I think Master put it perfectly the other night, at the moment I am more a slave to my studies then I am to him and to be honest that makes me feel bad. Master should never take second place in his slaves life but yet at the moment he is in mine and he is doing things like getting me drinks and making me food rather then the other way around. Master is supporting me and encouraging me and I am grateful for it, part of me is even grateful for him chaining me to the desk so that I study without distractions. Its funny the chain is still under the desk but even without being secured to it today I had more focus on my study, I think that the fact that I knew he could and would chain me to it in an instant if i got too distracted kept me on focus.
Another one of the things stressing me out is once again not feeling like a slave. I know that we go through this often and I know that I am a slave, I think Master put it perfectly the other night, at the moment I am more a slave to my studies then I am to him and to be honest that makes me feel bad. Master should never take second place in his slaves life but yet at the moment he is in mine and he is doing things like getting me drinks and making me food rather then the other way around. Master is supporting me and encouraging me and I am grateful for it, part of me is even grateful for him chaining me to the desk so that I study without distractions. Its funny the chain is still under the desk but even without being secured to it today I had more focus on my study, I think that the fact that I knew he could and would chain me to it in an instant if i got too distracted kept me on focus.
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