Am I really a slave?

Perhaps I am not a slave.

Perhaps I am just a sub who is playing at being a slave.

I have been thinking over the conversation that Teacher and I had while I was tied up last night and some elements of it are standing out in my mind refusing to let me find peace and I find myself asking if I could really live like that.

As a slave the only right I have is the right to breath everything else is a privelage.
As a slave I am property.
As a slave I take what ever my Master wants to give me whether pleasure or pain and don't have the right to complain or ask for anything more then what he chooses to give.
As property I do not own anything, everything I have belongs to my Master.
As property I can be lent to someone, given to someone, sold to someone and do not have a choice or a say in it.

I have problems with the idea of being shared with someone else, I desire to be used for my Masters pleasure but do not know how I would react if my Masters pleasure was to allow someone else to use me.

I have problems with not owning anything. I have so very little in my life that to give up what I do have is almost like tearing something out of myself. I enjoy shopping and getting new things but if nothing belongs to me then would I really enjoy shopping?

As a slave i would be expected to keep the home clean, cook the meals, clean up after dinner and still have the energy to serve my Master. Does it make me less of a slave because the idea of doing all the housework upsets me? Does it make me less of a slave because the idea of cooking every night upsets me? Does it make me less of a slave because I would want Master to do something around the house that I wouldn't want to them all?

As a slave any money I earnt through working or selling my craft items would belong to my Master. Would I resent working my bottom off just to hand over what I have earnt to somebody else.

As a slave I would study in the hope of making my Master proud but I wouldn't have the say over what I study that would be my Master's choice. If he ordered me to study something that I wasn't intersted in would I resent him?

How would I feel if he refused to let me in the bed with him? If I had to sleep on the floor next to the bed or even somewhere completly different? I know that I would be upset, I know that I would feel like he doesn't want me, care about me or love me.

As a slave should I expect my Master to love me? Do I have the right to expect anything of my Master?

Some restrictions I can handle and have learnt to handle better in the last two weeks. Restrictions on speech, food/drink, bathroom and touch are all easier to deal with and to be honest sometimes I almost enjoy them. The restrictions remind me that even when he is not here that he has control of me and knowing that he has control even as a distance I feel almost held by him as I go about my normal daily activitys. Could I handle other restrictions? I don't know.

So what is it that makes me a slave and not a sub? What is it apart from enjoying kinky activitys that makes me different from any other woman in a relationship?

What makes me a slave? I want to please my Master, no I need to please my Master. I want and need to give up control to a strong Master but I am terrified of giving it up. I will do things that I hate just because it is what my Master wishes me too, I will do what ever he asks me just because he asked... but how is that different from a sub?

Willow