When you first met people within the lifestyle often a question that comes up early on is how did you get interested in bdsm, what drew you to it or where did you start? Having asked someone that very question at the party on the weekend it got me thinking about my own start.
Pinpointing exactly where it started is not an easy thing. Did it start way back in primary school when I loved playing games where I was always the slave or servant of the king and queen? I remember games that were almost mini plays almost always taking the kind of flow. I would be the servant girl caught stealing from the King and then as punishment made his slave. Sometimes there would be tying up involved and we would use what ever was at hand, usualy a bandage stolen out of the first aid kit or the tie of a dressing gown.
As I grew up and fantasy games faded they were replaced with a new game. It was a version of hide and seek that I played with my cousin. He would tie me up with whatever we had at hand and then go and hide, he would have as long to hide as it would take me to get out of what ever bondage he had come up with and then I would go find him, chase him, take him back to 'home' and tie him up then go and hide myself. The game would just repeat until we had enough.
It became a waterfight game with my friends on the estate I lived in. We would divide in to two teams, chase the other team down and take them prisoner and 'punish' them by soaking them with water and tieing them to the fence, the game was over when one team had captured everyone else of the opposing team.
All of these games were always my idea and everyone just went along with me.
At night on my own when i couldn't sleep I would play my own game, pretending to have been a slave tied up and tortued until I fell asleep. I have to admit now so many years on sometimes I still play that game when I can't sleep.
When did it all grow up and become adult games? I was 16 and dating someone 8 years older then me. He was so kind in the begining but very quickly something changed and against my will I found myself his slave. This time the slavery was real. I followed his rules, did what he said when he said or i was punished. Life was hell but I didn't know how to get out of it, he told me that this was how it was, this was how a slave should be and I beleived him. He had training in psych and used a lot of condioning techniques on me, slowely killing off my personal free will and i couldn't leave. I was lucky though eventaully I woke up and realised how wrong it was thank to the love and support of some friends. He had to let me go on holiday as people would start asking questions and while I was on that holiday I broke down and the whole story came out. Those friends introduced me to a friend of theres who was livng a 24/7 Master/slave life and I saw how it should be. I had to go back to Melbourne for year 12 exams and he discovered that i planned on leaving him, he tied me to his bed for a week, that week is a blur but his sister found me and helped me escape. Somehow I managed to sit my exams and even managed to pass year 12 (though with low marks) but as soon as they were done my friends drove down from Sydney one day while 'Master' was at work packed me and all my stuff up and drove me back to Sydney with them. Moving interstate was the only way I could get away from him.
After that bad experience I met a switch who I was in a relationship with for two years, he slowely taught me how good things could me and even let me play the other side though I never really enjoyed the Dom side. Slowly I gained trust and met people within the scene. Learnt that it could be about love. I tried to have a vanilla relationship after that one but it didn't work I ended up converting the guy to the scene and he too became a switch. Then I was a slave again to someone else who taught me even more until I am where I am now. Having found the Master that fits my needs like a glove, who I love and admire and can't wait to marry.
Master I love you and am so glad I found you.
I know my start was not all roses, it was violent and wrong and against my will but it is one of the things that lead me to who I am now and I quite like the person that I am now. I do often wonder if I would have turned out the way i am without that introduction but there is no point thinking about the what if's. If someone gave me the choice to change my life, to not want to be in this lifestyle right now I would not take it, I love what I am and the experiences that I gain being a 24/7 slave
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