Restrictions

When things that one takes for granted are restricted the mind does funny things and makes it so that all you seem to be able to thing about are the things that are restricted to you. Tonight teacher has put some restrictions on me that are usualy not there. I am not to look at him without permission, speak to him without persion, touch him without permission, eat or drink without permission or go to the bathroom without permission. All things that I take for granted but now that they are restricted its all I can think about.

Not being able to speak freely is something that has always had a large effect on me, it frustrates me having to get permission to speak and so a lot of the time when I want to say something I just let it pass as getting permission to speak sometimes feels humilating or the thing that I wanted to say feels like its not important enough to bother Teacher. It also makes me feel even more submissive and seems to do something to my brain that kicks me in to slave mode. Its another one of those hate/love things for me I think.

I am usualy a fairly touchy snuggly person so not being able to touch and snuggle up to someone I care about is also a hard thing. Touch says so much to me and is something I find reassuring without touch and without speech I do feel a little issolated and alone and I know that there is nothing I can do about it until Teacher decides to lift restirctions or I ask for permission. Adding on to that not being able to look in someones eyes when eyes are the window to soul and yeah it does effect me and it does bring out more of the slave in me making me more aware of what I am and what my life is about.

The funny thing is that right now I may feel a little issolated and alone but a big part of me wants him to keep treating me like this, a big part of me wants him to be even stricter, meaner and treat me even more like a slave though I doubt he will most people I find have problems treating a girl that way it seems the more they care about you the harder then find it is to do things like treating you like property or a toy and of the course the ones that can treat a girl like that don't seem to know when to switch it off, when enough is enough and they need some TLC.

Oh and as a short side note the having to ask permission to use the bathroom, eat and/or drink is something that I find humilating and hard to give control up over.