Sex and bondage

I'm posting because I have too... while thats the truth its not quite the whole truth. I am posting because I am mean to post at least once a week and havent in almost two, no reason, no excuse just that it kept slipping my mind which as I said isn't an excuse.

Today it is four weeks since the very first time I handed any control over to Teacher, four weeks ago I was still with my ex but knew that things were not working out, four weeks ago I was so desparte to feel some control, some domiance that when I went to the shopping centre with Teacher I ended up handing some control over to him and while it was scary I loved it. Four weeks on and he has a lot of control over my life, he is Teacher and Trainer, he is a friend and companion and recently he has also been a lover.

It is strange for me to make love with anyone that I am not in a long term commited relationship with, I have never been one to have lovers that could have something to do with the fact that I have been in very long term relationships and very rarely single. I enjoy being with Teacher for the first time in my life I am enjoying sex and not just seeing it as a chore or something I have to do to make sure the male I am with wants me. Its fun, even when its almost just sex without anything much of the BDSM side of things it is still fun, it is still enjoyable and for some reason I am able to lose myself in it, lose my awareness of the outside world, lose my awarness of my body flaws. Yes I always start extremly aware of my weight and wanting to hide it but after a little while thats not even on my mind, the only thing that is on my mind is pleasing Teacher, making him feel good and while it does feel good for me (even without always being allowed to cum) I feel good when I have mad Teacher feel good. I know that I often say that BDSM does not equal sex and I still beleive that though I can also see where it ties in - it is nice sometimes to feel like I am just a toy for someone peasure, just an object but thats only nice when there is a layer of caring around it as well. Through discovering sex (it feels like sex is a new thing in my life like until this moment I was a virgin) I am also embracing what it is to be a woman and letting myself feel these things, telling myself that enjoying sex that wanting sex doesn't make me a slut it just makes me a normal woman with feelings and needs has been one of the most freeing things I have experienced in a long time.

Moving on from sex, Teacher has been experiementing with different bondage and I love it. It seems every time he ties me it up it is a different position in a different way. I am a rope slut I love rope but with my ex the only way he ever tied me up was spread eagle and that gets boring. Teacher is pushing me with bondage that feels simple, feels like I c0uld escape but I cant, or bondage that if i move the wrong way it will hurt. He is putting me in to positions where I am vunerable and he could do anything to me and I just have to trust that he won't hurt me. Its terrifing and so satisfying at the same time that after every scene ends I look forward to the next one.

Teacher has control over many aspects of my life at the moment and it scares me how easily I have given him that control and how easily I want to give it all over to him but won't allow myself too. Sometimes I feel like he is just training me for something to do until he finds his own girl and that he would never want me, i think that only time will show if that one is the truth.

So there we go an update on how I am feeling and what I am thinking, hopefully it wil be enough to make Teacher happy with me.

Willow