I've been thinking (yes scary I know) a lot today about life, about myself, about Master, about friends, about what I want and where I want to go in my life. All those really deep why are we here, whats the meaning of life type questions. Some of my thinking was about 24/7 M/s lifestyle and all the different directions it can take. I haven't been feeling like a slave much lately and an outcome of not feeling like a slave is that I have been miserable as I am not being what I know I am. I thought for a while about why this is, why haven't I been feeling like a slave? What is it that has stopped me feeling the way I want too and I think the answer to that is complex.
In its simple answer its because Master and I are in a living situation where we can not be ourself. We are never just vanilla but we can't easily express our needs and desires and have them met at the moment. Another issue I think is what is always comes down to, my need for consistency in this life, my need to know that things will be the same tomorrow as they are today, that I have the same rules to follow and that if I break them that I will get in trouble not some days get in trouble and some days not get in trouble. We have rules but when I read over the list only some of them are being followed and both of seem to forget about the others half the time or i remember them but don't follow them because I want some sign from Master that this is what he wants.
I will this where it is for now as Master just got home and may pick up this train of thought later.
Willow
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