Punishment Essay - Why skipping meals is bad. (M/s)

Anytime you skip a meal your body goes into fasting mode. While in fasting mode carbohydrates, proteins, and fats are all used for energy and your body's glucose level drops. As the glucose levels drop, the body looks for other sources of fuel and looks at itself to find that source of fuel.

Since the brain and nerves prefer energy from glucose, protein tissues (muscle and liver) are broken down. In an effort to preserve its remaining protein the body starts to metabolize fat for energy in the form of ketone bodies The process of using ketone bodies as fuel is called ketosis.

Ketosis has negative effects on the body including
• Nausea (A master doesn't want his slave focused on feeling sick instead of him)
• Fatigue (Low energy = broken toy = Not happy Master)
• Constipation
• Lowered blood pressure (caused dizziness and blackouts, slave not safe for playing with)
• Elevated uric acid (kidney disease)
• Stale taste in mouth

When the body switches to the use of ketosis for its energy it begins to reduce energy output in an effort to protect both fat and lean tissue. In addition, as the lean tissues begin to shrink, they become weaker and perform less metabolic work, reducing energy expenditure even more.

Skipping meals will create cravings. Rapid high blood sugar occurs when you give into these cravings. As a result, your body creates a high amount of triglycerides, which convert to fat-storage. In addition, the depleted glycogen causes low energy levels because blood sugar is not being replaced.

As a slave it is important to maintain proper nutrition so as to be of service to Master. If proper nutrition is not maintained then the slaves energy levels can and will get extremely low and she will not have the energy to serve her Master or preform tasks that he may give her. A slaves Master will not be able to use his slave at his whim if he has to consider if she has the energy for him to play with her. Like a remote control car with a flat battery is no fun to play with a slave with empty battery's is just as little fun.

Physically if the slave has not eaten or maintained proper nutrition she is at risk of dizzy spells and fainting if these were to occur within a scene or while in bondage great harm could occur to the slave and the Master could find himself in an uncomfortable legal position.

So it can be seen that to be able to serve her Master satisfactorily a slave must ensure that she has the proper nutrition to do so, so that her bodies energy levels are able to withstand what ever service her Master desire of her. This slave must eat regular meals as it is one of the rule that her Master has set for her and she knows that she always feels better and is better able to preform when she has made sure to have enough food.

I Just want to feel a little.... (M/s)

Last night something snapped inside of me and I found myself attempting to break Master's rules on purpose. This wasn't a case of 'i forgot' but a case of 'I don't care and will do what I want.' See I was feeling alone, I was feeling like we were/are just living a vanilla life with little bits of topping ever now and again. I was feeling resentful of Master playing card games with my bestfriend and not spending time with me when I had been waiting all day for him to play with me. My brain snapped and said to me that I don't care if its bad attention at least its something so i broke a rule and then became very defiant about it. When Master sent me to the bedroom to think about it I was angry and so instead of doing what he wanted me too I decided I was going to go to bed. That didn't last long and my anger went away and I began to realise what I had done and feel extremly guilty for it which caused me to try and withdraw from Master because I didn't deserve his attention or his touch. Master punished me with the cane though today I still feel guilty, still feel like the issue hasn't been dealt with despite what Master says.

This incidant has made me stop and look at our relationship and life. Vanilla wise its great but there are areas lacking in the lifestyle side of things. Most days life feels vanilla, I don't feel like a slave and most of the time am not treated like a slave. (but do i really want to be treated like a slave ALL the time?) We don't 'play' often anymore and usualy when we do its small scenes that are lucky if they go over an hour in length or something happens that pushes out of that mindset and we can't go back to what we were doing. I am craving playtime, craving being Master's slave for him to do as he wishes both in play time and in day to day life. I talk to other slaves who all have so many rules and things they must do that they never forget that they are slave and not just a girlfriend. Is the issue that as we get closer to one another and know each other better that it becomes harder for Master to be a Master and not a boyfriend? Before we were together it was great. I knew my place, we played often and I felt like the slave but now I just feel like the girlfriend who plays at being a slave on the weekends. How we fix this I don't know. I asked/suggested before we moved that we find some daily rituals to help keep both of us in the right mindset but apart from that what can we do?

Right now I am feeling guilty, I am feeling confussed, I am feeling sad and just want to cry. I don't understand whats going on and without understanding it how can I make it better? I love Master and my Master, as my boyfriend and future husband (mmmm I like that word) and as my best friend. I know that what ever it is we can figure it out and fix it but right now it doesn't feel like it.

Ra'anna

Birthday wish list

Anna Sui - Secret Wish, Romance gift set
Target foot spa gift set
Spa bath system
Mario Kart Wii

Corset
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/HEAVY-DUTY-VELVET-STEEL-BONE-CORSET-2XL-gothic-RRP-445_W0QQitemZ270220551731QQihZ017QQcategoryZ75863QQcmdZViewItem

Lush stuff
Earrings (silver or white gold)Or other sparkly jewllery
Fine chocolate
Buttersilk wrap
Rose or Jasmine oil

Kitty shirt
http://www.galleryserpentine.com.au/ProductDetails.aspx?productID=418

Indian glass bangles (size xl)
http://www.shopbeachcombers.com/StoreFrontProfiles/deluxeSFshop.aspx?sid=1&sfid=39600&c=642182
http://www.shopbeachcombers.com/storefrontprofiles/DeluxeSFItemDetail.aspx?sid=1&sfid=39600&c=644280&i=70414576

Jim Henson's The storyteller DVD
Charmed season 7
Lost Season 1
Ugly Betty Season 1

Feeling down (V)

I'm feeling alone and lost at the moment. Its the time of year when I tend to have a downswing, the time of year when things are always hardest for me and the time of year when I try to distract myself from feeling bad with other things. Often distracting myself with other things tends to end up with me obsessing about something and driving everyone around me insane by not dropping the topic and thats whats going on for me right now.

Master has not even asked me to marry him yet though we have decided that we are going to be married. Confussing yes very, I'm not engaged but I will be at some stage and knowing that is making me want to run ahead and plan and book all the things we need for our wedding and yes I am getting obsessed with it. I stop and try to pull myself in a bit, try to just let it go and not get my hopes up, not dream about the wedding or even the perfect proposal because I feel that if I dare to dream it, if I dare to hope for it that it won't happen or it will happen but in such a way thats its not a special event and I will be dissapointed. Much like the couple that turn around to each other and say I guess we should get married now while watching tv one night.
This is stupid Master and I have not even been together for a year yet but I want to marry him, want to hear him asking me to marry him. I love him and want to be his properly which to my mind can not happen unless I am both collared in the kinky world and married to him in the vanilla world. I don't want him to feel pushed in to it, I don't want him to ask me unless its really what he wants but at the moment I feel as though he is not going to ask me anytime soon. My brain is so confussed. Not long ago he told me out of the blue that he wanted to start trying to have children next year. He wants to have a child with me but not marry me? That just doesn't make sense. Right now nothing makes sense.

If he does ask me to marry him and I can start planning properly it brings a whole new world of stress with it. That being money. Weddings are expensive and we don't have much money. I don't really want to elope and although I have suggested just having an evening wedding and desert reception to him to save money thats not what I really want. Its what I will settle for so that I can marry my Master but not what I dream of.

My dream is for a wedding at either Sunshine Castle or Bundaleer rainforest garden with a fairy/medievil theme. My dream is for a beautiful ceramony that includes a handfasting and unity ceramony in it. My dream is for a reception where a three course meal is served in medievil style and there is juggelers and sword fights and other medieval themed entertianment. The ironic thing is that my dream doesn't even cost what the average Australian wedding costs ($30k) it would cost about 10k perhaps 15k at the most (if we include honeymoon costs) but I know with my family not having any money that we could never afford even this much and I wouldn't expect or ask Master's family to contribute money to pay for our wedding. (If they offered that would be another story) I don't want a big wedding just 30 to 40 people.

The other thing getting me down is my birthday. I don't want to look forward to it because if I do it will just be a dissapointment. I have tried planning something but half of my friends are not interested. (Including my best friend) I feel as though nobody really cares about besides Master, to everyone else I am just the girl that they hang out with sometimes.

So now I sit here all alone and feeling down. Master is at work and I am sitting here crying and just wanting to hide away from the world.

Last nights play (M/s)

Master and I did play last night however it didn't go quite the way it was meant too. It started of great with Master getting me to kneel, play with my self and then bind my breasts but this is where things started going wrong. We had to break midscene as my best friend needed me and by the time we got back to the scene my mindset was completly broken. Master had me bind my breasts again and then place pegs on them which I did without any problems but it was when he started to cane me that I lost it and after a very short time he had to stop because it was clear to him that I couldn't take anymore. I curled up in a little ball and cried and cried, all I could thing was that I had failed and while Master was being gentle and loving and caring I didn't want him to touch me because I felt that I didn't deserve it.

Today I am still upset and dissapointed with myself. I don't know why I broke like that after so little much and really feel like I failed considering that Master had taken things out of MY fantasy and I couldn't do it. I feel like a bad slave and can't help but wonder why Master wants me and what good I am to him.

Ra'anna

fantasy (BDSM)

Master and I haven't managed to play much of late, it seems that something always comes up and gets in the way either I'm not well or his not well, or our housemates get in the way or the phone rings... the list goes on as to the things that distact us and get in the way of us playing.

Today we have had a quiet day laying around the loungeroom, chatting, playing on our computers and just relaxing. Master is going to play with tonight and knowing that he is going to play with me it has got me wondering about what he is going to do to me and my mind going a million miles an hour with fantasys off what he is going to do me.

One fantasy sees him grapping me by the hair and dragging me to the bedroom where he pushes me roughly to the floor or on to the bed then lots of bondage (strict, tight can't move and a hood with open mouth hole to depersonise me) while Master can use me for his pleasure, play with me, tease me and taunt me and hurt me as he wishes before fucking me so hard it almost hurts and leaves me feeling like a well used slave. In other words me being almost akin to a blow up doll that just happens to have emotions and reacts with moans and groans to what is being done to me. Once he has finished using me he drags me to the bathroom where he puts me in the bath and uses me as his piss slave. Of course during all this he verbaly humilates and degrades me.

Another fantasy sees him flogging me/ canning me hard and not stopping no matter how much I try to get away from what he is doing to me the pain continues because he is Master and I slave and he wishes for me to feel pain. Eventually not being able to get away my body gives in and accepts the pain and I find that switch in my mind being pushed so that i enter subspace.

Yet another sees Master ordering me to be my own method of tortue. Making me put my breasts in too tight bondage and then putting as many pegs as I can on them with there being consequences for any pegs that i cant get on such as one strike with the cane for each peg that doesn't make it on. After the pegs are on Master takes control and punishes me for the pegs that didn't make it, making the 'punshiment' worse by forcing me to lie face down on my poor tortued breasts while he canes my ass and floggs my back if i am too noisey he stuffs a gag in my mouth and I get more strokes for not being able to be quiet. He finishes punishing my ass and makes me stand where he ties my hands behind my back with rope and proceeds to use the crop to crop any pegs that havent yet fallen off of. Once the pegs are all off he pushes me to ground and forces me to pleasure him as a slave slut should. When he is done using my holes he drags me in to the bathroom and forces me to kneel on the cold floor hands tied behind my back while he runs a shallow bath. With the bath run he helps me into itand places me so that I am laying on my stomach with some more rope he hogties me so that I am helpless and have to rely on him to keep my face above the water so that i can breath but every so often to prove that he controls all of me even my breathing he pushes me under the waters and holds me there until he is ready to let me up. Once he has done tortuing me he undoes the rope and gentle and lovingly assits me to finish bathing, washing me all over and showing me that while he can be the strict Master and holds all the cards without me being able to do a thing about it that he also loves me and wants to look after his slave. Once we are finsihed in the bathroom Master takes me to bed and makes tender sweet romantic love to me before I fall asleep in his arms, happy and content in the the knowdlege that he owns my heart as well as my body.

Feeling blue (V)

I'm feeling down at the moment and its stupid because I know that I am being irrational. Last night in his sleep Master turned around and said Ra'anna marry me. While my inital thought and response was to panic (until I realized that he was asleep) going on to think about I realized that I do want to marry Master. I know if I spoke to anyone else about this they would say its too soon, that we had not been together long enough and that I shouldn't even be thinking about it but after that comment in his sleep on top of my dressmaker getting in touch with me this week it has made me really think about.

I am his slave and he is my Master but he is also my lover and bestfriend. I may be accepting his permanent collar from him very soon and thats making a commitment to him that is just as binding as marrage so why am I thinking about the vanilla alternative so much right now? I don't want to panic him and put any pressure on him. I have thought about asking him to marry me but I don't want to do that either. I dream of him choosing the perfect time and making it special but if it ever gets to that I don't think he would. Its more likely to just come out of nowhere one day when we are doing nothing or have just finished a scene.

My dream proposal at the moment would be Master getting on one near after the collaring ceramony and asking me then or asking me on my birthday in front of our friends or or or the list really does go on and its not going to happen.

Ra'anna