I'm feeling down at the moment and its stupid because I know that I am being irrational. Last night in his sleep Master turned around and said Ra'anna marry me. While my inital thought and response was to panic (until I realized that he was asleep) going on to think about I realized that I do want to marry Master. I know if I spoke to anyone else about this they would say its too soon, that we had not been together long enough and that I shouldn't even be thinking about it but after that comment in his sleep on top of my dressmaker getting in touch with me this week it has made me really think about.
I am his slave and he is my Master but he is also my lover and bestfriend. I may be accepting his permanent collar from him very soon and thats making a commitment to him that is just as binding as marrage so why am I thinking about the vanilla alternative so much right now? I don't want to panic him and put any pressure on him. I have thought about asking him to marry me but I don't want to do that either. I dream of him choosing the perfect time and making it special but if it ever gets to that I don't think he would. Its more likely to just come out of nowhere one day when we are doing nothing or have just finished a scene.
My dream proposal at the moment would be Master getting on one near after the collaring ceramony and asking me then or asking me on my birthday in front of our friends or or or the list really does go on and its not going to happen.
Ra'anna
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