Humilating fantasys (BDSM)

I have some fantasy's, ones that I have never really mentioned before and that the thought of being made to do them terrifies me yet at the same time one day as much as it scares me and I would be humilated I kind of hope that one day it will happen, that one day I will be forced into one of these situations regardless of what I think or feel about them because I am the slave and they would reenforce this.

One of those fantasys involves diapers, not the sort you get from the supermarket but the sort used in nursing homes for those who really have an issue, the ones that can hold up to two or three liters of liquid before they leak. I have been put in diapers a few times in a past relationship and found that even when just at home they were humilating, however what would make it worse would be to be locked in to diapers when other people are around too and have no choice but to use them, whether i am bound until they are full or forced to just carry on a normal day or serve Master and any of his guests and then once they are full, Master not removing them until he has made me beg for their removal. As an extension of this fantasy I wonder what it would be like to be locked into a diaper and then taken out somewhere, either out to dinner, a bar for drinks or the movies. Somewhere that he makes me drink a lot of liquid and then will not leave until I have been forced to wet in the diaper and then to make it worse and even more embarressing, having to walk home with wet diapers and the sound that they make the whole way home wondering if anyone has noticed and then again having to beg Master for their removal and hope that he says yes and allows them to come off or having him point out how much I am under his control that even toilet habits can be controlled by him or verbally humilated about how dirty it is or whatever.

I don't find this fantasy erotic in the least, me wanting Master to diaper me is about wanting to feel his complete control and the hopelessness and helplessness that goes along with it and i know that diapers is something that makes me feel that way. I feel helpless in diapers and humilated and this puts me even more into my slave mindset pointing out to me just how much of Master's slave I really am and how I wil do anything he asks of me even if I don't like it or want to do it.

Another fantasy similar to being taken out in diapers is Master getting home one night, spanking me or canning me or whatever enough for it to hurt when i sit down and leave bruises for days afterwards and then showing very little care for what ever I am feeling he fucks me hard, so hard that it almost hurts. Once he has finshed with me he decides that we are going out for dinner and chooses what I am to wear. A sexy dress, makeup, do my hair and just before we leave he forces me to put on one of those harnesses that forces a dildo into a girls cunt and a butt plug in her ass. He lockes this harness/belt on to me with a padlock so that I have no chance of removing these invaders and then he takes me out for a nice dinner, setting down the rules on the way out he tells me that he will order for me, that i must keep his water glass full as all times and that all formal high protocol rules are in place which means I must wait for his permission to sit, eat, talk or do anything. Perhaps we are out to dinner with someone else and instead of ordering me dinner he forces me to sit there, pretty just an object to look at next to him while he converses with his friend and eats his meal, feeding me some of his food every so often. As for the things inside of me they are the sort that are remote controlled and every so often he turns them on, while I do my best to not react at all because he has warned me that if i show obvious signs of reacting to the buzz I will be punished when we get home.

Sometimes I think my mind is a very dark and twisted place.