I kneel naked on the bed as you have ordered. One hundred percent bare not even a collar around my neck, I don't need the leather strip around my neck to know that I belong to you, that I am your property or the restraints to keep me where you want me, it is up to me to remain still, up to my will not to move away as you do what ever you wish to my naked flesh.
From the way you warm me up I am aware that this is going to be a longer session then usual, as you progress from one toy to the next working up the pain scale from sensual to starting to sting my mind begings to soar as I focus on the impact of the toys you are swinging at me, the beat of the music and my breathing.
You begin to paddle me and it hurts but I stay where you want me and deal with the pain, time both speeds up and slows down as I get lost in your world, there is only the beat of the music, the beat of the paddle, the beat of my breathing and the pain, time passes and suddenly it occurs to me that the pain has taken a backseat, I can still feel it but it is as if it is coming from far away, this actaully feels enjoyable, hang on a second pain is feeling good? I don't enjoy pain I just take it because I am the slave and its what you wish me to do, and with that thought the pain comes thundering back. I start to squirm, trying hard to keep still but it hurts so much I just want to get away from it.
Your voice hits me ordering me to sty still and to get back into position and i do. My breathing becomes fast and I almost panic as my brain screams that you are going near my past injury, then I realise that your hand is holding me firmly in place and at the same time blocking where the injury is so that the paddle never touches there. With that though I talk my breathing down and try to relax once again into it. Whack after whack falls and my goddess does it hurt but I have to much pride to beg you to stop so I bite my tonque and find something inside me telling me that I can deal with this. Thud, thud it keeps coming, harder and harder. Thoughts unbidden pass through my mind. 'What have I dont wrong Master? Why are you punishing me... don't you love me?... Don't you care... and tears well in my eyes but I hold them back away from you I will not cry and then wonders of wonders suddenly I realise that the pain is not there anymore and once again it is just me and the beat, it feels so good floating on the beat, i wish I could stay here all night.
Again my thoughts intrude reminding me that I don't like pain and of course with that thought the pain floods back and I can't hold the tears back anymore, i try to wiggle away and end up laying on my stomach still the paddle hits over and over again, my bottom feels like its on fire and still the pain comes over and again. I'm crying but you don't care about my tears you haven't even stopped to see if i'm okay, whack, whack, I'm crying and its still coming, thud ,thud i'm crying and... and shit I'm lyeing here just taking what you are giving me without begging it to stop, thud thud, i'm lyeing here and your ignoring my cries, whack, whack, i'm lying here crying and your not stopping and i'm not stopping you. A wall inside that I have held strong for such a long time falls down as the thought hits my mind that I'm lying here accepting what you are giving me and your not stopping even through my tears... I really am a slave and you really do own me. Suddenly the fear that you love me too much too treat me like a slave, the fear that you love me too much to really push my limits fades away and with it so does the pain. I am floating on the beat again, the thud of the paddle, the thud of the music and my breathing combine into a wonderous beat and I am enjoy it, i am floating on the beat the pain in the distance and then the pain comes back once more as you have stopped and the longest and hardest paddling you have ever given me is over.
I lay there my mind spinning as I try to figure out why it didn't hurt, why the pain keep going away and its not until later when you are talking to me about subspace and the fact that I must have hit it as least slighlty that it really hits me that yes for the first time in my life I hit real sub space and I liked it.
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