The little voices inside my head won't shut up. They keep screaming at me telling me that a real slave wouldn't do this, a true slave wouldn't do that and even thinking rationaly about it I kind of agree with them.
A real slave would clean the house and not allow her Master to come home to a pigsty.
A real slave would do the dishes even if she disliked doing them so that her Master didn't have too.
A real slave would make sure all the pets needs are taken care of and not ask her Master too.
A real slave would see to it that washing was done when needed and clothes were folded up and put away.
A real slave would ask to be of service each and every day.
A real slave should spend some time each and every day kneeling and serving with her attention focused solely on her Master, not serving around Tv shows or other hobbys.
Theres more thoughts then that but for now that will do I think theres no point listing it all over and over again.
I don't feel like a real or a true slave. I still sometimes think that our relationship is more vanilla then anything else because we spend so much time just being normal vanilla and doing normal vanilla. Days can go by where apart from the food rule everything in vanilla.
Things change for a short while sometimes just hours while we are 'playing' but once the scene is over things go back to 'normal' and I am tired of normal, I don't want to be normal, i am much happier when things are not vanilla, ironic that high protocol drives me insane some days but when its in place I feel the most at peace with myself and happy in myself and my status in the world.
I know that Adam can still hurt me and push me my limits, i know that he loves me and likes to make me happy and even despite that he can be strict on me but him being strict takes its toll on him and is not something he can keep up 24/7 (as much as somedays i wish he could)
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