Getting back on track M/s

Yesterday Master and I really started working hard at getting back on track.

In the afternoon we had some 'play' time which while nic
e on one hand because i do like sensory play at the particular point in time it wasn't quite what i needed. I did my best to get my mind into it though as it was clear that's what Master wanted to do with me and as his slave who am I to stop him from having the fun that he wanted too? Despite wanting/needing something different I still managed to get myself if a mindset where I was able to enjoy what he was doing to me afterall it felt so nice for him to be touching me again, to feel as though I actaully mattered to him.

So if sensory play isn't what i thought i needed then i guess the question is what was I wanting/needing? Honestly what I was wanting was not a nice sensory session but a hard session that would push me physicaly and emotionaly. A session where I feel like I am nothing but an object for him to do what he wishes with, a session with pain, with humilation with putting me into that i'm just a slave frame of mind. A session where he was anything but nice, where he was strict and stern and if I did anything slightly wrong was put back into my place quickly.

So while that play sesssion didn't happen what did happen was that after play Master put our high protocol rules in to place only modified slightly when our housemate got home. To be really honest with those rules in place again today I feel more content and at ease then I have in months. Things just feel right somehow like this is how it should be all the time not just every so often when Master decides on a high protocol day. Rules about sitting on furniture, eating/drinking/Bathroom, Speaking, addressing him and serving him just feel so normal like they should be there all the time though with a few slightly modified to fit day to day life. I like not being allowed to look him in the eye without his permission it helps keep me in that frame of mind that I have been having such a hard time finding again. I like having to gain his permission to speak or if i want to speak for a period of time ask for permission to speak freely. About the only one that seems hard today is not being able to touch him without permission.

I miss the days back in the start of our relationship where most of these rules were the normal day to day rules. Where I had to send him a message during the day if i wanted to eat or go to the bathroom and has to ask when he was at home, where every night i greeted him on my knees and knelt again asking permission to go to bed later in the evening. Where I didn't touch him without his permission and when he granted that permission or he touched me my hearted went flying with joy and I was grateful for my Master touching me. Where everyday he left me with at least a few orders of things i had to do and if they were not done i got punished. I remember one day where he had ordered me to complete a particular number of words on an assignment and when I hadn't done it at 3pm he sent me an order that the word count was still to be meet but that to remind me that i was his and did not belong to myself i was to insert a butt plug for 1 hour while working on it and if i hadn't completed enough words in that one hour the plug would stay in longer. I bitched and moaned and said how can i concentrate with that in but in hindsight it reminded me that even when i was working on things that i think of as my things I am doing it for him and he because he allows me too as a side note i got 98% on that assignment. I think as time has gone on and we got more and more comfortable with each other and real life pushed in the way we started taking things for granted. I would love to get back to the point where day in day out I know my place, where being held by him is a reward that i look forward too and not just something that i expect. When all of these things are happening I feel closer to Master then at any other time and feel as though I am really his slave and not just his girlfriend.