Master and I seem to have fallen off the path again recently but I think that he is planning on trying to fix that this weekend. Right now to be honest I don't know what I want, I am in two minds, part of me wants to be a slave and have him bring me in to line regardless of what I am feeling or wanting at the time and the other half of me wants to just drop the whole thing and try to live a vanilla life. Now I know I am only feeling like this because I am grumpy after he was out all night last night and I couldn't get in contact with him but I don't know how i can shift my mind back to where it needs to be. I think the only way I can snap it back is if he treats me like nothing but a slave/object for his amusement for a little while, if he really puts me in my place and keeps me there regardless of what I am wanting at the time, regardless of any tears or tantrums from me. I know that if he is strong and strict and treats me like that then my brain will snap back into place but I don't know if he can do it.
I almost want to be treated like the typical image of a slave presented in most fetish stories. Kept in a corner tied up or in a cage until he has use for me. Plugged in all of my holes and kept in restraints and hooded unless he needs it removed to serve. Forced to eat like an animal at his feet when ever he decides that i deserve to eat all of that stuff that usualy i say is just fantasy seems to be what i want at the moment.

Argh what is wrong with me? I know I wouldn't enjoy being treated that way so why do i want it so much?