Not feeling so much of a slave M/s

I am not feeling particular like a slave today (or yesterday) and while part of me thinks that I should tell Master this another part of me doesn't want too because i know full well that if I tell him I am not feeling like a slave his idea of trying to make me feel like a slave will be to order me to make him a drink or get him something to eat or something along those lines and right now that would just make me resent him rather then making me feel like a slave. So rather then tell him right now that I am not feeling so slave like I thought I would come here to my blog and try to examine just why I am not feeling like a slave.

I guess the first reason is that the last week we have not stuck so strictly to our rituals and when we have they have been shortened versions for the most part. Now I know that Master can perform the rituals however he sees fit but it makes me a little sad as I wrote them for him in such a way that I know they would help bring out the slave side of me that has been burried so far down inside for so long. I don't want to ask that we do the ritauls my way though as its Master's wants and needs that need to be meet first not my own. While on the topic of rituals I think I am just a little dissapointed that i put so much work in to them and one of them has not even been performed yet despite Master telling me that we would use all of them. Now I know we don't have all the required equipment for that ritual but we could do most of it.

The second reason is that while we are suppose to be running on higher protocol rules I think that Master has forgotten just what those rules are. I think this as i know i slip often and break particular bits of them yet he does nothing to enforce these rules and without him enforcing it doesn't become habit to not do those actions that are against those rules. I can't do it on my own and need him to remind me when I forget but how can he remind me when it seems that he doesn't remember himself? (Mostly speech and touch rules that I keep slipping up on)

Another reason is that I am one of those people who tone of voice and strictness can go a long way to putting me in the right frame of mine and lately these things have not been around very much. I like it when he graps me and holds me down by the neck reminding me that i am his or even sometimes calling me names and degrading me to put me in my place. Am I sick for liking these things?

I guess its just hard to maintain things when the real world of work and bills and annoying housemates intrude but sometimes I really wish we could have one week of extremly high protocol, strictness and training like we read about in so many bdsm stories. I know that its not practical in the real world but its nice to dream about. Its nice to imagine being made to kneel or tied up in a corner somewhere until he is ready for my services, its nice to imagine being pushed past my comfort boundarys and made to do things that will humilate me just to prove to him (and me) that I am his slave. Its nice to imagine being treated like nothing more then an object here for his amusement but I know that it will have to stay in the imaginae because some things just are not the same when they become reality.