Slave Energy (M/s)

Okay to type this post I need to find a word (or words) that descripe what I am talking about. I am a slave 24/7 I know this in my mind, in my heart and in my soul but there can be times when I don't feel very slave like or very submissive. From now on I am going to refer to those times as Slave energy. If I refer to energy just on its own then I refer to energy in its normal terms, as in I am tired and have no energy or The energy in the room felt extremly negative or in my pagan/spritual beleives I could feel the energy flowing through me. When I speak of slave energy I am speaking about how submissive/slave like I am feeling. When slave energy is high then I feel at my most submissive and really feel like a slave. When slave energy is low then I don't feel much like a slave or like doing slave things I feel more vanilla when slave energy is low.

Okay having got that out of the way I can continue. Over the last week or so my slave energy has been very low. There have been moments it has been quite high but mostly low. I have not felt like doing much for Master, not felt like playing or even like serving him properly. I know that some of this is a reaction to stress in my life and in his life as I think his Master energy has been a little low at the same time.

The dynamic is always there even when I am at low slave energy I will do what he tells me too do and follow his rules though it really is just following the motions when I have little slave energy. You know what even if it is just following the motions it works, I follow the motions and my slave energy gets back to its normal level where I am happy to serve, want to serve and need to serve. Where I am happy to be his girl, his slave and don't hold any resentment for him. Now my slave energy is back to normal and I am a happy slave once more.

I feel guilty when ever my slave energy is low, I feel like the worse slave in the world and start wondering if I have been lying to everyone and am really just a bottom who wants to be played with every so often. When my slave energy is low I am not happy, I don't feel like I want to feel and don't feel like I am being true to myself. I know that ups and downs are a natural part of life and that if I was at high slave energy all the time i would burn out. I know that sometime sub drop can cause low slave energy and we deal with that when we come to it. What I need to do now if fiqure out some simple things for when I am at low slave energy that will help it get back to a more normal level, following the motions is a good start but there must be a few other things that could help as well. I know that kneeling with my head on the floor always makes me feel a little more like slave like, reading forums helps, I know that bondage will help but i also know that if slave energy is too low then i resent it.

I must think on this some more and see what Master thinks about it.